Greetings all,
Today I write about what I experienced on social media after
the passing of cricketer, brother and son, Phillip Hughes, in such a sudden and unpredictable way. I
experienced a world that is different to what we see on mainstream TV most
nights, full of anger and hatred against fellow humans. It was an example of
how desperately people who don’t even know each other, let alone ever met each
other, feel compelled to reach out to those suffering.
I often get asked by patients why they feel so affected by
something they see on TV or read about in the paper. This is an extremely
common experience, one I remember that occurred when Princess Diana died. In a
pre-hashtag era, people in the UK left thousands upon thousands of flowers at
Kensington Palace. They were dumbstruck and it felt incredulous that somebody could be alive one second and not the next. Especially somebody so famous. They
had to connect with others sorrow. Humans seem to be driven to find meaning
even when there is none. After all, we know life is fragile, we can’t expect to
live forever yet when it happens we cannot believe it to be so. That is grief.
I also explain to patients that humans are great ‘pattern
matchers’, when they say they feel silly about being affected by something that
happened to somebody they didn’t know.
When we feel grief or sadness we may be
taken back to a time in our life when we experienced profound loss. Hence the
pain we feel is really a combination of what we are seeing and what we are
remembering. Hence we may cry about a stranger’s passing, we may want to reach
out and help in any way possible.
I feel that devising the #putoutyourbats hashtag
was an incredibly therapeutic gesture that will help not only to show the
families suffering that people care, but also help people who are suffering to
do something with their sadness.
As for me, and because shrinks have feelings too, II
was deeply affected this week as I could relate to the first on scene doctors
and paramedics. I have been in a few situations where I have offered emergency
assistance with groups of people watching me, knowing how bad things are and
desperately trying to change what really is fate.
My worst experience happened
in 2013 and I wrote about it here. Although I pulled a toddler out of a pool in
a 5 star resort and did the sloppiest CPR ever seen that resulted in him
surviving, I felt total guilt that was irrational and needed lots of
‘debriefing’ to manage. The way I was treated in the US was terrible but when I
got home my colleagues were fabulous to my son and I, who also witnessed the
whole thing. I wasn’t hailed a hero, I wasn’t even thanked by the family, but I
don’t care because I know that little boy is alive now. Yet I still remember
and I still feel uneasy when I see people performing CPR, and I still question
to this day whether I could have done things differently.
I write this because doctors are lousy at admitting how
affected they are (including me), and that they may need some support. I can
only feel for Dr John Orchard who gave Phillip the best chance of surviving
what was an incredibly severe injury. He did this with the players gathered
around him, with the expectation he could ‘do something’ and he did it because
that’s what us doctors just do. I truly hope he is OK and does seek comfort in
the fact he tried his very best. Likewise the paramedics who did arrive early
but have been criticised for an apparent delay.
And to the players and cricket community, I urge you to seek
help weeks or months down the track if you need it. There is no such thing as a
time when you should be ‘over it’. Only you can choose when it’s time to ‘move
on’. You will all be affected in your own way. Find somebody to listen and help
you. People are there if you ask, way after the hashtag goes away.
My 'prize possession". My cricket bat autographed by Dean Jones in 1992.
#putoutyourbats
Dr Helen Schultz is a consultant psychiatrist at MindAdvocacy, Richmond, Victoria, and author of "How Shrinks Think" www.mindadvocacy.com.au
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